else(where)

ghosts from migration / from the archives 5/30/24

elsewhere is the ghost of a lover 
i am desperately chasing
and drawing the borders of my life around. 
his shadow hangs where my feet touch,
creating puppet homes that i can never 
fully fit in - having to bend my bones to 
look like my neighbors and put one foot
beyond the door frame. 

elsewhere, elsewhere, elsewhere
is the reason i no longer visit my mother. 
land lush, filled with fresh mangoes 
dropped from trees I never got to climb.
soil fertilized with guilt, 
kitchen stocked with longing, 
but belonging nowhere to be found. 

elsewhere is my past, present,
and there is a delusional hope that
the future will finally put his spirit to rest.
let him and i both experience peace 
together but far apart. 
that i will no longer have to roam this
earth aimlessly writing love letters
in languages that leave me tongue tied, 
looking at the land where i stay in fear
that this is where my bones, misshapen,
will create a graveyard palace that
i will still want to escape. 

one day, elsew(here) will be a road
i will pave to be my own.
with dirt under my nail beds
that i will use to grow the
flowers that you may one day see.